Max Steel Joke Book
by Draka Dracula
Summary: Laugh along with Team Steel. Then, send in your OWN jokes, riddles, humor, etc. for other chapters! ^_^
1. Page 1

Max Steel Joke Book

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By: [Jo Ann Montgomery][1]

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Disclaimer: Max Steel and related characters, etc. belong to WB Kids and Mattel. The jokes are old, rewritten where needed to fit with Max Steel and friends (and foes). No infringement of any kind is intended.

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Have a few laughs with Max Steel, Berto, Rachel, Cat, and the rest in the Max Steel Joke Book. If you have a funny joke or riddle you would like to contribute, e-mail me, and I will put your jokes and riddles in future chapters of the joke book.

* * *

**Max:** Berto, what's your dog's name?  
**Berto:** Ginger.  
**Max:** Does Ginger bite?  
**Berto:** No, Ginger snaps!

* * *

**Max:** Hey, Cat! Why were the ants running on cracker box?  
**Cat:** I don't know. Why?  
**Max:** Because the instructions said to "Tear along dotted line".

* * *

**Laura:** I'm going to the dentist's office today.  
**Josh:** Oh, visiting a filling station, huh?

* * *

**Max:** I bet I can say, "Richard and Robert had a rabbit" without pronouncing the "R"'s!  
**Rachel:** Max, that's _impossible_!  
**Max:** No, it isn't.  
**Rachel:** All right; how?  
**Max: Dick and Bob had a bunny.**

* * *

**Laura:** Pete! Did you go swimming in the hot sun yesterday?  
**Pete:** No, I went swimming in the water.

* * *

**Jo:** Pete, I think you're sitting in my seat.  
**Pete:** Can you _prove_ this is your seat? **Jo:** I think so --if my pie and ice cream are on it.

* * *

**Jo:** Josh, did you know there was a kidnapping down the street?  
**Josh:** No, what happened?  
**Jo:** His mother woke him up.

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**Jeff:** Max, what did the adding machine say to the clerk?  
**Max:** You can count on me.

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**Psycho:** My shoes are killing my feet!  
**Dread:** No wonder. You have your shoes on the wrong feet.  
**Psycho:** But I don't have any other feet.

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**Jeff:** Josh, stop making faces at the bulldog.  
**Josh:** He started it.

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**Max:** Berto, if your dog ate your book, what would you do?  
**Berto:** Take the words right out of his mouth.

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**Laura:** What's worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?  
**Josh:** An elephant with a cold in his nose.

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**Rachel:** Max, what is the best way to make a fire with two sticks?  
**Max:** Be sure one stick is a match.

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**Berto:** (To NASA scientist.) I'd like a round trip ticket to the moon.  
**Scientist:** Sorry. The moon is full right now.

* * *

**Jo:** How do you catch a rabbit?  
**Pete:** You hide in the bushes and make noises like a carrot.

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**Jo:** (Holding kite) Pete, what's the best material for kites?  
**Pete:** Flypaper.

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**Pete:** What is the best thing to take when one is run down?  
**Josh:** The licence number of the car.

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**Cat:** Max, what did the donkey say when it saw a zebra for the first time?  
**Max:** Look! A donkey that's been in jail!

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**Jeff:** Max, it's ten o'clock! You should have been here an hour ago!  
**Max:** Why -- what happened?

* * *

**Jo:** I just found some horseshoes. Do you know what that means?  
**Pete:** Yes --some poor horse is running around in his stocking feet!

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**Pete:** Josh, what's the best way to remember your girlfriend's birthday?  
**Josh:** Forget it once.

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Page 2 comming soon. E-Mail me with jokes for the Max Steel Joke Book and I'll put them in and give you credit. Send in as many as you like.

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[Drak Pack Headquarters][2]

   [1]: mailto:jmontgomery@glasgow-ky.com
   [2]: http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Capsule/4679/



	2. Page 2

**Jo:** What do you call a newborn ant?  
**Pete:** A baby buggy.

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**Pete:** Where did the sick ship go?  
**Josh:** To see a dock!

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**Rachel:** What did the dryer say to the washer?  
**Cat:** Let's go for a spin.

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**Berto:** How do you catch a hungry monkey?  
**Max:** Pretend you're a banana.

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**Jo:** Why do firemen wear red suspenders?  
**Pete:** So their pants don't fall down.

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**Laura:** When should you oil a mouse?  
**Josh:** When it squeaks.

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**Pete:** How do baby hens dance?  
**Josh:** Chick to chick.

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**Rachel:** What do you use to repair a torn daisy?  
**Cat:** A flower patch.

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**Josh:** What's green and grouchy?  
**Pete:** _Crabby_grass.

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**Cat:** What did the banana bandits say when they saw the police?  
**Max:** "Let's split!"

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**Berto:** Are skunks good at games?  
**Max:** No. They stink at everything.

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**Laura:** Which bug can tell your fortune?  
**Josh:** The gypsy moth.

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**Jo:** Where do snowmen keep their money?  
**Josh:** In a snow bank.

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**Josh:** Why was the bathtub tired.  
**Pete:** It was drained.

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**Laura:** What did Cinderella Seal wear to the ball?  
**Rachel:** Glass flippers.

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**Berto:** Which monkey can fly?  
**Max:** A hot-air baboon.

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**Cat:** What kind of pants do ghosts wear?  
**Jeff:** _Boo_ jeans.

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**Pete:** Why aren't bananas ever lonely?  
**Josh:** They're always in bunches.

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**Jo:** Who is the oldest vegetable?  
**Josh:** Pop Corn.

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**Josh:** What do you call a chocolate-covered lamb?  
**Jo:** A candy baaa (bar).

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**Pete:** What kind of car has whiskers and purrs?  
**Josh:** A _cat_illac.

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**Berto:** Which insect likes to take naps?  
**Rachel:** A bed bug.

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**Jo:** Which fruit tree is always grumpy?  
**Pete:** The crab-apple tree.

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**Pete:** How do you know if an elephant is in your house?  
**Josh:** Look for peanut shells in the living room.

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**Pete:** Why couldn't the flower ride its bike?  
**Jo:** It lost its petals.

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**Dread:** What do geese do in a traffic jam?  
**Dragonelle:** They honk a lot.

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**Josh:** Why do fleas never get cold?  
**Laura:** They're always in fur coats.

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**Rachel:** What do snowmen like to eat for supper?  
**Cat:** Frozen dinners.

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**Max:** How is a dog like a tree?  
**Berto:** They both have bark.

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**Laura:** What do baby cowboys wear on their feet?  
**Max:** Cowboy booties.

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More to come! ^_^

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	3. Page 3

**Max:** (In vegtable garden, hoe in hand.) Which beans don't grow in gardens?  
**Berto:** (Picking beans.) Jelly beans.

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**Laura:** (On beachtowl at beach.) Why is the beach a friendly place?  
**Josh:** (Sitting beside her.) The ocean always waves at you.

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**Max:** (In same garden.) Why did the farmer call a doctor?  
**Berto:** (Picking corn.) His corn had an earache.

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**Jo:** Why did the kids wear bathing suits to school?  
**Pete:** They rode in a car-pool.

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**Rachel:** What's black and white and blue all over? **Max:** A very cold zebra.

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**Jeff:** Where can you find a lot of cows?  
**Josh:** At the _moo_vies.

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**Berto:** How do rabbits take trips?  
**Max:** By _hare_plane.

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**Pete:** What should you do if a monster is in your bed?  
**Max:** Sleep somewhere else!

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**Rachel:** Which class did the witch like best?  
**Cat:** Spelling.

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**Jo:** What do you call a happy baby sheep?  
**Pete:** A merry little lamb.

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**Berto:** (Picking apples.) Why didn't the apple tree like people?  
**Max:** (Holding ladder.) Everybody picked on him.

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**Psycho:** How did the river hurt itself?  
**Electrix:** It had a waterfall.

* * *

**Laura:** Why couldn't the egg lend the rooster any money?  
**Cat:** It was broke.

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**Jo:** What time is it when an elephant sits on your skateboard?  
**Josh:** Time to get a new skateboard.

* * *

**Cat:** Why did the cave get into trouble?  
**Max:** It had a big mouth.

* * *

**Pete:** What did the hot dogs say to each other?  
**Josh:** "Hi, I'm Frank." "Hi, I'm Frank."

* * *

**Berto:** Which insect is always polite?  
**Rachel:** The ladybug.

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**Jo:** What is a frog's favorite drink?  
**Pete:** _Croak_a-Cola.

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**Jeff:** What do you call a grandfather clock?  
**Josh:** And old timer.

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**Cat:** Why didn't the little goat want to go to school?  
**Rachel:** He was the smallest kid in his class.

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**Berto:** (Fishing on a dock.) Where do tired fish sleep?  
**Max:** (Also fishing.) In riverbeds.

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**Dragonelle:** Why is the pig the most unuial animal in the world?  
**Psycho:**: Because first you kill it, then you cure it.

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**Berto:** Unable to think, unable to speak, yet tells the truth to all the world. What is it?  
**Cat:** A perfect pair of scales.

* * *

**Laura:** What asks no questions, but requires many answers?  
**Josh:** The doorbell. (also; the telephone.)

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**Berto:** What has no head, no arms, no legs, and still has a tongue and a toe?  
**Max:** A shoe.

* * *

**Pete:** How can five people divide five cookies so that each gets a cookie and yet one cookie remains on the plate?  
**Josh:** The last person takes the plate with the cookie on it.

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**Cat:** What goes clomp, clomp, clomp, swish -- clomp, clomp, clomp, swish?  
**Max:** An elephant with one wet sneaker.

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More to come! ^_^

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	4. Page 4

**Pete:** How many sides has a circle?  
**Josh:** Two. The outside and the inside.

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**Laura:** What is the worst weather for rats and mice?  
**Josh:** When it's raining cats and dogs.

* * *

**Berto:** Why is the figure nine like a peacock?  
**Max:** Because without a tail it is nothing.

* * *

**Josh:** (At skating rink.) Why does a waxed floor remind you of music?  
**Pete:** (Trying --and failing-- to stand on his skates.) Because if you don't C sharp, you will B flat.

* * *

**Laura:** Why is a dirty child like flannel?  
**Max:** Because it shrinks from washing.

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**Jeff:** Why are laws like the ocean?  
**Rachel:** Because the most trouble is caused by the breakers.

* * *

**Jo:** What has six feet and can sing?  
**Josh:** A trio.

* * *

**Berto:** What did the city dude say when he saw some milk bottles in the grass?  
**Pete:** "Hey! I found a cow's nest!"

* * *

**Max:** If my father is the brother of your sister, am I your cousin, brother, nephew, son, uncle, or son-in-law?  
**Rachel:** Nephew.

* * *

**Jo:** How do you catch a squirrel?  
**Pete:** You climb a tree and act like a nut!

* * *

**Jo:** What's the difference between a hill and a pill?  
**Pete:** One's hard to get up, the other's hard to get down!

* * *

**Cat:** If a boy falls, what does he fall against?  
**Rachel:** His will.

* * *

**Berto:** (Back in the garden.) Why should potatos grow better than other vegetables?  
**Max:** Because they have eyes to see where they're going.

* * *

**Dread:** What is the difference between a hungry man and a glutton?  
**Dragonelle:** One longs to eat, the other eats too long.

* * *

**Rachel:** If your uncle's sister is not your aunt, what relationi is she to you?  
**Cat:** Your mother.

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**Psycho:** If eight sparrows are on a roof and you shoot one, how many will remain?  
**Dragonelle:** One. The one you shot.

* * *

**Pete:** What did the nearsighted porcupine say when it backed into a cactus?  
**Josh:** "Is that you, mother?"

* * *

**Berto:** Why is the grass dangerous?  
**Max:** It's full of blades.

* * *

**Jeff:** In a house on Eighth Street, there is a room with eight corners and a cat in each corner. There are seven cats before each cat, and a cat on every cat's tail. How many cats are there in the room with the eight corners in the house on Eighth Street?  
**Josh:** Eight cats.

* * *

**Jo:** What is pigskin used for most?  
**Pete:** To hold pigs together.

* * *

**Laura:** When are cooks cruel?  
**Josh:** When they beat eggs and whip cream.

* * *

**Pete:** When does a teacher wear dark glasses?  
**Josh:** When she has bright pupils.

* * *

**Pete:** How many letters are there in the alphabet?  
**Jo:** Eleven: t-h-e-a-l-p-h-a-b-e-t.

* * *

**Dragonelle:** What do you find in air-conditioned banks?  
**Electrix:** Cold cash.

* * *

**Berto:** What is the similarity between a hippopotamus and an elephant?  
**Max:**: Neither one can roller-skate.

* * *

**Teacher:** Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?  
**Pete:** At the bottom.

* * *

**Berto:** (On the farm.) What pen should never be used for writing?  
**Max:** A pig pen.

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More to come! ^_^

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	5. Page 5

**Laura:** (Sitting in doughnut shop.) When should a baker stop making doughnuts?  
**Josh:** When he gets tired of the hole business.

* * *

**Jo:** You've heard of monkeys and donkeys. What is a zookey?  
**Pete:** A key to the zoo.

* * *

**Berto:** In what place did the rooster crow when all the world heard him?  
**Max:** In Noah's Ark.

* * *

**Jo:** Why did the jelly roll?  
**Josh:** It saw the apple turn over.

* * *

**Rachel:** Although I dance at a ball, I am nothing at all/ What am I?  
**Jeff:** A shadow.

* * *

**Jo:** (Hiking in the forest.) How far can you go into the woods?  
**Josh:** As far as the center. Then you will be going out.

* * *

**Berto** (Fishing again.) How did Jonah feel when the whale swallowed him?  
**Max:** (Also fishing.) Down at the mouth.

* * *

**Jo:** Why does lightning strike people?  
**Josh:** Because it doesn't know how to conduct itself.

* * *

**Pete:** (At football game.) Why is a football stadium cold?  
**Josh:** Because it has so many fans.

* * *

**Laura:** Whyis the sun like a good loaf of bread?  
**Josh:** Because it is light when it rises.

* * *

**Pete:** Why couldn't the pony talk?  
**Max:** He was a little horse.

* * *

**Josh:** What is the best way to double your money?  
**Jeff:** Fold it.

* * *

**Berto:** What has every living person seen, but will never see again?  
**Rachel:** Yesterday.

* * *

**Dread:** Why are fishermen and shepherds like beggers?  
**Dragonelle:** Because they live by hook and by crook.

* * *

**Laura:** What goes up and down without touching the sky or the ground?  
**Josh:** A pump handle.

* * *

**Berto:** What tool grows sharper with use?  
**Max:** The tongue.

* * *

**Rachel:** What does an iron-clad vessel of war, with four inches of steel plating and all her guns on board, weigh, just before starting on a cruise?  
**Max:** She weighs anchor.

* * *

**Max:** What part of a locomotive requires the most attention?  
**Cat:** The "tender" part.

* * *

**Pete:** What runs all day but never runs away?  
**Josh:** A clock.

* * *

**Berto:** How do you keep an elephant from going through the eye of a needle?  
**Max:** Tie a knot in its tail.

* * *

**Pete:** Who goes to sleep with his shoes on?  
**Jo:** A horse.

* * *

**Jo:** What would you color the sun and the wind?  
**Laura:** The sun rose and the wind blue.

* * *

**Josh:** What is black inside, red outside, and has four corners?  
**Pete:** A chimney.

* * *

**Jo:** What did the pig say when the farmer got him by the tail?  
**Pete:** "This is the end of me."

* * *

**Electrix:** Do you know what kinds of skins make the best shoes?  
**Dragonelle:** No. But I know that bananas make the best slippers.

* * *

**Pete:** Why was the shoe sad?  
**Josh:** Because his mother was a sneaker and his father was a loafer.

* * *

More to come! ^_^

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	6. Page 6

**Laura:** What is the right kind of timber for castles in the air?  
**Josh:** Sun-beams.

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**Pete:** What name besides Anna reads the same both ways?  
**Jo:** Hannah.

* * *

**Jo:** What question is it to which you _must_ answer Yes?  
**Josh:** What does Y-E-S spell?

* * *

**Rachel:** What is it that works when it plays and plays when it works?  
**Jeff:** A player piano.

* * *

**Pete:** What did the letter say to the stamp?  
**Josh:** "Stick to me and we'll go places."

* * *

**Jo:** Why does a hummingbird hum?  
**Pete:** Because he doesn't know the words.

* * *

**Jo:** What has eight legs, three heads, six eyes and two wings?  
**Josh:** A man riding a horse and carrying a chicken.

* * *

**Berto:** Why is a crossword puzzle like a quarrel?  
**Cat:** Because one word leads to another.

* * *

**Laura:** What roof covers the most noisy tenant?  
**Josh:** The roof of the mouth.

* * *

**Jo:** What do ghosts ride at the amusement park?  
**Pete:** The roller ghoster.

* * *

**Chuck:** What flies forever and rests never?  
**Max:** The wind.

* * *

**Josh:** How can you divide ten potatoes equally among seven persons?  
**Pete:** Mash them.

* * *

**Max:** What day of the year is a command to go forward?  
**Jeff:** March 4th!  
**Max:** Okay. Bye!

* * *

**Berto:** What trembles at each breath of air, yet can bear the heaviest burdens?  
**Max:** Water.

* * *

**Jo:** A blind beggar had a brother and the brother died; the man who dies had no brother. What was the beggar?  
**Josh:** A woman.

* * *

**Jeff:** What room can no one enter?  
**Cat:** A mushroom.

* * *

**Pete:** What driver never gets arrested?  
**Josh:** A screwdriver.

* * *

**Dread:** What is the difference between a deer fleeing from hunters and a tiny witch?  
**Pyscho:** One is a hunted stag; the other is a stunted hag.

* * *

**Berto:** Why does the Statue of Liberty stand in New York harbor?  
**Max:** Because it can't sit down.

* * *

**Jo:** What month has twenty-seven days?  
**Josh:** All of them.

* * *

**Berto:** (feeding pigs at farm) Why did the farmer name his pig Ink?  
**Max:** Because it kept running out of the pen.

* * *

**Berto:** (same pigs, same farm) When should any pig be able to write?  
**Max:** When he has been turned into a pen.

* * *

**Jeff:** Why is coffee like an axe with a dull edge?  
**Rachel:** Because each must be ground before it can be used.

* * *

**Laura:** What is higher than a house, yet seems smaller than a mouse?  
**Josh:** A star in the sky.

* * *

**Rachel:** When are robes like water?  
**Cat:** When they are flowing.

* * *

**Jo:** What did one candle say to another candle? **Pete:** These birthdays burn me up.

* * *

**Electrix:** What is a bare-faced liar?  
**Dragonelle:** One without whiskers.

* * *

**Cat:** Why is a coward like a leaky barrel?  
**Max:** Because they both run.

* * *

**Psycho:** Why is a snake smart?  
**Bio-Constrictor:** Becaussse you can't pull hisss leg.

* * *

**Josh:** What cannot run, though it has three feet?  
**Pete:** A stool.

* * *

More to come! ^_^

* * *


	7. Page 7. Meet the Steel Family!

This page in the joke book is going to be a little different. Have you heard of the [Meet the Tate Family][1] joke? Like **Dic Tate** who wants to run everything, or **Poten Tate**, who wants to be the big shot. Well, Meet the **Steel** Family! ^_^

* * *

**Max Steel's Family Tree**  


  * His twin sister, **Maxi Steel**. (That one's for Maxy Steel. Yes, there is a [Maxisteel][2] listed in Yahoo! It's a company that deals in steel stocks.) 
  * His immaculate uncle (or so the uncle _thinks_) **Stainless Steel**. 
  * His cousin of mixed races, **Alloy Steel**. (No offence. I honestly couldn't think of anything else for this one.) 
  * His car-loving uncle, **Car bon Steel**. 
  * His cousin that works in the freezer factory, **Cold Steel**. 
  * That cousin's brother that works for the electric company, **Electrical Steel**, and his twin sister --who works in a computer factory-- **Silicon Electrical Steel**. 
  * His aunt that works in an electronics store, **Galvanized Steel**. 
  * His cousin that owns a fabric factory, **Sheet Steel**. 

Steel items that Max owns:  


  * Steel Guitar 
  * Steel Drum 

Steel terms I have yet to come up with jokes for. Any ideas?  


  * Hot-Rolled Steel 
  * Flat-Rolled Steel 

* * *

The whole Tate Family joke can be found here:

[The Negapage][3], on the [Comic Relief ][4] page. Somewhere, there is a simular joke about the Van Gouh family. Like the constipated uncle, **Gotta Gouh**, or traveling cousin, **Winnie-bay Gouh**.

The Steel terms come from [The Steel Glossary][5] in the Learning Center of the [American Iron and Steel Institute][6] There are still more terms with the word "steel" in them that I haven't used. If you can come up with a joke that uses these terms that can go on this page, e-mail me, and I'll add them, with your name and --if you like-- your e-mail. Please state whether or not you want me to include an e-mail link with your name.

If you have any more Steel family members that you can think of, please e-mail me. Help Max with his family tree! ^_^

* * *

More to come! ^_^

* * *

   [1]: http://www.c4vct.com/kym/humor/tate.htm
   [2]: http://www.maxisteel.com.au/
   [3]: http://members.aol.com/negaduck9/negapage.htm
   [4]: http://www.c4vct.com/kym/humor/
   [5]: http://www.steel.org/learning/glossary/glossary.htm
   [6]: http://www.steel.org/



	8. Page 8

(These jokes were sent to me by my cousin. Except for the involvement of the Max Steel cast, they are unchanged in format from how they appeared in her e-mail. May be a few bad words and references that may offend some people. Read with caution. Forgive me if I repeat any that I may have already done. Enjoy! ^_^)

* * *

**Pete:** How Do You Catch A Unique Rabbit?  
**Josh:** Unique Up On It.

* * *

**Pete:** How Do You Catch A Tame Rabbit?  
**Josh:** Tame Way, Unique Up On It.

* * *

**Berto:** How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?  
**Max:** They Take The Psycho Path.

* * *

**Dread:** How Do You Get Holy Water?  
**Psycho:** You Boil The Hell Out Of It.

* * *

**Dragonelle:** What Do Fish Say When They Hit A Concrete Wall?  
**Electrix:** Dam!

* * *

**Jo:** What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice Too Long?  
**Pete:** Polaroid's

* * *

**Max:** What Do You Call A Boomerang That Doesn't Work?  
**Berto:** A Stick.

* * *

**Jeff** What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?  
**Anne:** Nacho Cheese.

* * *

**Jo:** What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?  
**Pete:** Subordinate Clauses.

* * *

**Laura:** What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?  
**Josh:** Quattro Sinko.

* * *

**Berto:** What Do You Get From A Pampered Cow?  
**Max:** Spoiled Milk.

* * *

**Jo:** What Do You Get When You Cross A Snowman With A Vampire?  
**Josh:** Frostbite.

* * *

**Josh:**What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?  
**Laura:** A Nervous Wreck.

* * *

**Pete:** What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?  
**Josh:** Anyone Can Roast Beef.

* * *

**Jo:** Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?  
**Pete:** Because They Have Big Fingers.

* * *

**Berto:** Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?  
**Max:** Because It Scares The Dog.

* * *

**Jeff:** What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?  
**Rachel:** Sanka.

* * *

**Pete:** What Is The Difference Between A Harley And A Hoover?  
**Josh:** The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

* * *

**Jo:** Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?  
**Josh:** Because They Wore Their Belt Buckles On Their Hats.

* * *

**Cat:** What's The Difference Between A Bad Golfer And A Bad Skydiver?  
**Josh:** A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang! A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.

* * *

**Dragonelle** What Goes Clop, Clop, Clop, Bang, Bang, Clop, Clop, Clop?  
**Psycho:** An Amish Drive-By Shooting.

* * *

**Jeff:** How Are A Texas Tornado And A Tennessee Divorce The Same?  
**Max:** Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer.

* * *

More to come! ^_^

* * *


End file.
